The Trophy
Highly coveted, and with a removable umbrella in high grade fake silver, now on its second plinth and in remarkable condition. The trophy for some years made reference to the legendary Ryan Pontifex but this was lost when the second plinth was installed
The Moose tie
Awarded annually for moose-like behaviour and/or general boorishness. Also highly-coveted but could do with a good wash (which is fine because it’s nylon)
The Quaich
Also known as the Late John Forrester trophy as it was purchased by said Big John to make amends for turning up late on tour. Nobody is quite sure what it is awarded for or by whom. Or where it is.
The Par 3 tankard
New for 2017, awarded for the lowest score over the Par 3s and is relatively unusual in that it reflects some semblance of golfing talent
The Par 5 something
Also new for 2017 but the author didn’t win that either and can’t remember what it is.
The Fourthcoming Prize
Inaugurated when Lloyd Davies, Richard Lockhart and Chris Watkin joined the tour thus rendering most of the Old Guard incapable of coming any higher than Fourth, therefore giving them something to aim for. Also sometimes confused with the Late John Forrester (see above) and may indeed possibly be the same trophy.
The over-50’s Trophy
Inaugurated and donated by Peter Northam who would have won it for several years on the trot had it existed but who then failed to contend as soon as soon as he had something to play for.
The Moose
(Photo unavailable – see below)
In the early days, a small cuddly moose was presented along with the moose tie (see above). One year, the current holder was unable to bring the moose as his 3 year old child had formed an unassailable bond with it, so the holder raided his child’s toy cabinet and brought along instead a supposedly temporary replacement.….
The Little Black Dog
(Photo not available – see below)
This was awarded with all due ceremony at Saunton Sands but was rather witlessly and shamefully given to a girl in a nightclub in some futile attempt to curry favour and has since been lost. As has the moose (see above).
The Foamer
Awarded annually to the player who loses his temper in the most extraordinary and often unexpected circumstances, either on or off the course.
It is comprised of the business end of Mike MacKeith’s former 3 wood which separated from its shaft when it failed to work properly, now recovered and mounted expertly on a wooden plinth fashioned by Stewart Smith’s own hands.